Hey everyone! My name is Jin, and I am one of the co-founders of Coop Home Goods! In honor of Mother’s Day, our team asked me if I would share some lessons that I have personally learned since becoming a new mom, and I was excited to do so!
I guess you could say that I am a late bloomer when it comes to motherhood. I just had my firstborn at the ripe old age of 40, and while I thought I was ready, there was just no way to prepare for what was to come.
I had spent the better part of my adult life working on my career and business, my husband and I had renovated our home from top to bottom, we had a well-trained fur baby, and things felt under control for the most part. Then came baby, and my identity as a person changed, my priorities changed, and pretty much my whole life was upended.
It was the best thing that could’ve happened to me, and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to grow as a person and to be a part of my son’s life. I’m sure I’ll mess up a ton, but it’s been the most rewarding experience.
LESSON ONE
Call your mom.
The moment I held Henry in my arms, everything changed. It was like the movies where everything goes fuzzy, and there are no sounds—except the sound of his breath. I often think about how from this moment on, we would only have 18 summers together before he becomes an adult and goes off into the world. That number is far too small in my mind, and it made me realize just how much my mom (and dad) love me, care about me, and want to know how I am. Until having Henry, I really didn’t understand what that was like, so if anything, I’ve learned to keep my mom in the loop more and to include her more in even the mundane things in my life—like what we are having for dinner, what Henry’s new foods are, etc.
So, please, take a moment and call or text your mom right now. Give her some love, and let her know you appreciate and care about her. Also, take another moment to set up a recurring reminder on your calendar to call your mom.
LESSON TWO
Never judge anyone on anything. Social media is not real life.
We are all trying our best, and there is no “perfect.” It’s an impossible standard trying to live up to the social media ideals of being a woman, career woman, or mom. Let’s just be happy with doing our best for today and extend grace to those around us.
We never know what anyone is going through, and each day presents new unexpected challenges, so instead of judging, let’s try to help and encourage each other! No one, not even those amazing Instagram influencers, are perfect, so let’s stop pretending that it’s even possible and just do what we can!
LESSON THREE
Remember that your marriage is important too.
Anything that is good requires love and maintenance, much like how our pillows need a daily fluff after you wake up, your car needs an oil change, or the silver needs polishing. This type of love and maintenance is ever so needed in your marriage too, especially with a baby or kids in the mix.
As moms, we put our kids’ needs first and foremost, and everything else takes a backseat—but this is a mistake! This is an important lesson I learned from my husband. Three months into our baby’s life, he asked me if I realized that the only time I said anything to him was when I was asking him to do something for the baby or clean something. I felt horrible.
This is something that continues to take a lot of work, and I fail regularly. My husband’s love language is quality time, and I wasn’t speaking his love language at all, so it wasn’t good for us. Even if it’s a late-night ice cream date or a hang out in the backyard, just breathe and TALK to each other about anything other than the baby, kids, housework, or work. It’s important, and you won’t regret it. I work on this daily, and even if I fail more often than I succeed, it’s something I refuse to give up on.
LESSON FOUR
Be present. Enjoy every delicious moment.
On a daily basis, I have a mini panic moment where everything feels like it’s falling apart. Sometimes, it feels like it’s a barely-held-together mess, but the reality is that life is going to be okay. The food that Henry spilled, or the laundry that is piling up, is not something I will remember five years from now, so I shouldn’t even spend five minutes being bothered by it.
It’s a constant struggle, but the days go by so fast, and I just keep reminding myself to be present, enjoy the smiles, the dishes can wait, and dinner doesn’t have to be perfect.
What I will remember five years from now is the feeling of sitting in the backyard with my family, watching the bubbles as the sun sets and enjoying every coo, new word, giggle, and smile. I will remember the feelings of Saturday mornings snuggling in bed with our cuddly little one, who will never be that little again.
I fall back into being irritated with daily life but keep trying to remind myself to savor every delicious moment with my baby because it will never be the same ever again, and that usually gets me out of my funk and shakes me into the present moment.
LESSON FIVE
Everything is going to be okay.
When I thought about having a baby, I didn’t think about the fact that I would have to take a break from my business that I am very active in. When I realized that I would have to take time away, I was scared and had a lot of anxiety around not being involved in day-to-day activities. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust my team—my worries revolved around the “what ifs” and stemmed from how wrapped up my identity was in being a business woman. I spent so much time worrying and being anxious that when the time came, I realized that all that worrying robbed me of enjoying my pregnancy and realizing that everything was okay.
I missed the opportunity to enjoy the quiet time by imagining all the possibilities, and I lost the opportunity to enjoy those last few months with my husband as just the two of us for the last time.
The lesson I learned was really around the fact that worrying might feel productive, but it actually does nothing except rob us of enjoying the moment. The reality is that everything will be okay. If history has taught us anything, it’s that moments that feel like the worst moment of our lives usually end up being the moments that give birth to some of the best things in our lives.